I Started Something I Couldn't Finish

giantweazle

25th-Oct-2006 10:01 am

Well it looks like the Warlocks and Wizards of Wilkos are not coming out to play. What is happening to the world, in my day spell casters were never this miserable. I blame David Blaine, it's now trendy for the those who indulge in the arcane arts to be withdrawn and mysterious.

All is far from lost however, the Warlocks are not the only power in Mansfield, as Mansfield posses it's own all mighty oracle cunningly disguised as a local newspaper. Browsing through the Mansfield Chad I happen across an article about a wall being vandalised, there is even a colour picture of the wall which is missing 5 or 6 bricks. At this point the new advert for Seven Seas Cod Liver Oil, featuring a giant cod appears on the TV. This is an omen, the Cod is willing me to refer the matter to the all powerful oracle. Surely, if the Mansfield Chad will report on a wall which is missing a few bricks, and even send a photographer over to take a picture, they would jump at the scoop that I am about to present to them.

Dear NewsDesk,

For some time now I have been, probably unnecessarily, concerned about a notice in the window of Wilkinsons advertising "Fresh Local Cod". I have attempted to contact Wilkinsons in order to get an explanation as to from where they are sourcing this local cod, but they have not responded. I will admit that at times my communications to Wilkinsons have been a little sarcastic and possibly tinged with a bit of ridicule. I was wondering whether you could use the mighty influence of the Chad, and your undoubted journalistic skills, to get to the bottom of this mystery. You have to admit, "Fresh Local Cod", in Mansfield does sound a bit sinister.

Yours sincerely,

GiantWeazle

It would also be beneficial to the cause if other people, especially those from outside of Mansfield, could contact the Mansfield Chad. We could create an illusion of this being a national story. The lure of a national story is something which no local newspaper can resist.

Send your cod concerns to : newsdesk@chad.co.uk

Please send any copies to : GiantWeazle@Yahoo.co.uk

I am hoping very much that the Chad's news desk and myself can become very good friends.

Comments

25th-Oct-2006 10:18 am (UTC)

dragonwoodshed

Done!

I feel naughty. Teehee.

25th-Oct-2006 11:22 am (UTC)

giantweazle

I can almost hear Mrs GiantWeazle screaming "Don't encourage him."

25th-Oct-2006 12:56 pm (UTC)

dragonwoodshed

I am a Bad Influence.

25th-Oct-2006 03:03 pm (UTC)

giantweazle

No response from the Chad, maybe they are in league with the Warlocks and Wizards of Wilkos.

Better cover our backs.... have contacted the East Midlands edition of the Metro paper (the one you get on trains and buses)

For a while, myself and a handful of others who read my on-line journal, have been somewhat concerned by a poster which is currently on display in the window of the Mansfield branch of Wilkinson's. This poster claims that Wilkinson's (Wilkos), are serving “Fresh Local Cod” in their cafe. I have lived in Mansfield for most of my life and I am completely unaware of any local cod stocks. We have tried in vain to engage Wilkos in order to determine the origin of this “Local Cod”. Admittedly, our communications have been a little sarcastic, and some would say, tinged with a degree of ridicule. Initially, I thought that this cod must be the product of some kind of dark magic, I suspect that did not help during my communication with the Warlocks of Wilkos. However, I believe that if you are going to make outrageous claims such as “Local Cod” in Mansfield, then you have to expect such communications. Such posters only act as bait to people, like myself, who have failed to suppress our inner smart-arse. We are currently trying to persuade the Mansfield Chad (local newspaper) to investigate Wilkos claims, but they do not appear to be willing to do so. It would appear that stories about the odd brick being removed from a wall are taking precedent over our needs. However, you are a modern, forward thinking newspaper, can you assist us in our quest to solve this mystery. You have to admit that there is something quite sinister about the claim of “Fresh Local Cod” being made in town like Mansfield.

If you require any further background please feel free to visit the journal at http://GiantWeazle.livejournal.com/

GiantWeazle

29th-Oct-2006 05:00 pm (UTC) - Go national!

Anonymous

Maybe you should write to The Ecologist (http://www.theecologist.org/) and see if you can convince them that cod have started migrating up the River Maun to escape pollution in the North Sea. It's not any less plausible than the stories they've actually been publishing about how pollution causes obesity (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,10653-2425205,00.html).

29th-Oct-2006 08:24 pm (UTC) - Re: Go national!

giantweazle

Reasonable enough suggestion. I'll get an email prepared for them.

30th-Oct-2006 09:13 am (UTC) - Re: Go national!

giantweazle

Hang On. 'Anonymous' appears to have local knowledge, very few outside of Mansfield know about our wonderful river. Could this be one of the Wilko's Goblins trying to push me off scent, or is it the great Oracle of Mansfield (The Chad) testing me.

30th-Oct-2006 09:46 pm (UTC) - Re: Go national!

Anonymous

Fear not furry pilgrim, Anonymous just looked at a map.

3rd-Nov-2006 09:51 am (UTC)

Anonymous

That sounds like something for the feedback column of New Scientist.

7th-Nov-2006 08:58 pm (UTC)

giantweazle

We opted for the Magic Circle in the end, I doubt science can explain this mystery. We had some success with them, they emailed back.

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